This weekend, I had a conversation with a family member which has inspired me to write this post. Have you ever had those conversations where the individual has an agenda and don’t have the capacity for listen to anything you have to say? Sigh…it completely drains you and my natural reaction to this is to completely shut down and become indifferent. It induces hair pulling and much frustration, but family is family, right?
My partner and I are looking to purchase a property together and has become an all-consuming process and has been on the back of my mind every single day. I tried to share the good news with said family member that we have found a place. The said individual then fires questions in machine gun-like succession:
- Have you showed your mum?
- Have you asked her approval?
- Have you asked anyone else’s approval?
- Is it a good area? It doesn’t sound like a good area
- Do you know what you want?
They then ended their soliloquy with a dismissive, well do whatever makes you happy. -DEEP BREATHE-
With every dream, you will have to face the non-believers and others with their opinions. Some individuals have good intentions, though some would inadvertently project their fears and insecurities onto you. Others may have not so good intentions, some may be jealous of you pursuing your dreams and would try to hold you back where they can’t handle you getting ahead. Whatever it may be, it is important to recognise their opinion for what it is and then move on. Use that energy to refocus on yourself and gather information to make a better decision for yourself.
Whether it is trying to set up your own business, make a major purchase or quitting your job; take the time to know your why. As a performance coach, some of the key questions I ask individuals are, what do you think will be the challenges going forward? And, how do you think you will be able to overcome them? I have found that it is easy to identify technical difficulties when it comes to dreams, such as, I need to ensure I have this licence to set up this business; but not necessarily the emotional or relational difficulties.
What do you need to ask yourself?
After the conversation with said family member, I felt defeated. I started to lose focus and started asking irrational questions about myself and my dreams. Upon reflection, it is because I had expectations of what the individual should have said and feel. This is exactly where I went wrong – this is the wrong way to have conversations about your goals and dreams. We are incredibly social creatures and it is understandable why we would want to share them with others, but to ensure you don’t lose focus on the end goal.
I have narrowed it down to the follow options:
- Either keep it to yourself, though this is not always easy
- If you share your dreams, be objective when listening to others and only process what is worth processing.
- Better yet, share it only with select individuals who have the right experience and you think will be able to assist in your dreams or decision making.
It is natural to think about others and their opinion, but ultimately, you are the only person who would have to live with the decisions you have made. Stop worrying about others and what they have to say or what they are doing. Focus on your why and you will get there.